Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Woo Hoo!

So, after my not so graceful breakdown last week, I am back on track with more ferver than I've had in a long time!! I had a breakdown just like that last time I lost weight and afterwards, I never looked back. I have done so well since then, and enjoyed it. Not like I used to do, where I'd eat healthy but be LONGING for something junk.

I'm already back down 9 pounds. And, I passed my first holiday test! My inlaws did their Thanksgiving on Sunday. I knew they wouldn't provide anything healthy, except the organic turkey they bought just for me (how sweet!). So, I brought a salad, a corn bean thing, and I made a ginger butternut squash pie from scratch. They all went over SO well, and I ate small portions and they were healthy, and I just, I'm so tickled with myself.

I know seeing negative comments about myself isn't fun or cool, but it's what works for me, to get my butt in gear!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Debby Downer Riding the Roller Coaster

So, I am starting to get pretty bummed.

I was actually doing decent on eating right again (cant quite get the exercise down yet, I NEED structured exercise no just walking, videos..and right now my husband is on nights so can't get to the gym. He'll switch to days soon so that should help)

ANYWAYS, so, I think I'm a anomaly. We are struggling BIG time, financially. So much so, that I just had a pack of crackers for breakfast and crossing my fingers for lunch. You would think when there's nothing to eat you'd lose weight, right?! WRONG! We have been going down to the in-laws for dinner all week because they don't want to see us hungry...

Well, my father in law doesn't even know how to cook without deep frying SOMETHING. Plus, I started a postpartum period, so I sorta had that "I don't give a shit, give me some chocolate" attitude.

We get paid tomorrow though and I plan on getting back to eating ok..just to mess it up with T-giving. Bleh. I'm 278 pounds. I have lost 115 in the past, but I'm starting to try and accept that that will never happen, ever, again.

Before I was in a bubble. No husband. No kid. Not in the glutton filled south. It's not going to happen for me again. I just need to hold on to the wonderful memories of how great I felt when I lost my weight before.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I suck.

SO, after losing 12 pounds and being SO hyped up and excited and back on track..HALLOWEEN happens! I resisted candy all night, then BAM and I've eaten enough since last monday to gain back 8 pounds. BLEH. BUT...I have a new motivation...
My husband is in the Navy reserves (after seperating from active duty) and he's got his first ADT (training) in New Jersery.

AND...Corbin and I get to go!! It's only 35 mins from NEW YORK! I am so effing excited!!! Our first family vacation!

And, I want to look SEMI-decent in the pics (i wont be thin, but my face isn't so puffy when I eat right).

Already down a pound!

On another note...
My husband and I share a family bed and practice attatchment parenting and said we'd co-sleep with our son until he was ready to wean himself to his own bed. Well, he would nap in my arms and I would get no housework done. And, lately he wouldn't sleep well in my arms. So, I said you know what, let me try and get him to NAP in his crib and we'll still co-sleep, thinking that my little man wouldn't want to stop co-sleeping until around 6 years old?

My baby boy likes his crib better and has been sleeping in it exclusively for naps AND all night for 3 days :( Lots of people would be happy about this, but I cried my EYES out all night long and was up every 10 mins to make sure he was still breathing (we have the crib in our room, so it's still "technically co-sleeping" just not a family bed)

I mean I was a blubbering idiot. My husband was holding me and comforting me, but it was AWFUL. But, he went from waking up every 2 hours and being VERY fidgety to sleeping 10 hours and only waking up once to eat! *sigh* Does want me to tell the Redneck Fucks in my family that kept telling me "you'll learn." "you gettin' yourself into something you ain't gonna want" "You do that fancy, liberal, co-whatever thang you wanna do, you'll see when he's still in yor bed when he's a teenager" TO FUCK OFF!!! :)

Why did my son have to inherit my independent streak? LOL
That being said, and as sad as I was...

My husband suggests last night. When corbin goes to bed, why don't we take a shower together (we ALWAYS showered together before the baby came). And, then why don't we watch some X-files or star trek? (yes that is sexy to me lol)

I was so excited. He was deployed until 2 months after Corbin was born. And, we still haven't really gotten a chance to TRUELY re-connect, b/c we've been so GO GO GO!
Well, I was already in that hightened-randy-yummy mood b/c I had just watched the other love of my life, Michael Buble on dancing with the stars...

Hold on...I need a moment!!

mmmmm...ok that's done!
Anyways, so we have a very nice shower. (I admittedly hadn't showered in days and the spit up was starting to make a crusty layer, ewwwww)
It felt amazing. So, we come down stairs and I pick up the book I've been reading for a few weeks (The Autobiography of Malcolm X) and Vance turns on the X-flies DVD already in the TV.
I must admit not much reading or t.v. watching got done. He immeadiately starts with the sweet kissing all over my neck and back stuff...and let's just say the stairs in our new house got christened! :)
It was AMAZING! And, helped the grieving process about my not so little baby boy a little..ok alot.